Finding Balance – The difficulties of trying to meet your own needs as well as the needs of work and the demands that others place upon you can be extremely stressful. The challenge is even greater for single gay men who have the added responsibilities of extended family members, caring for pets, trying to build or maintain a social life and having to make ends meet on one paycheck. Together, we can identify what is truly important to you so that you can make better decisions when managing your time.

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” is one of the most heartwarming Christmas songs. The haunting music and depth of the lyrics speak volumes. As gay guys we often laugh at the pun – but can we really make the yuletide “gay”?

The holidays pose many unique challenges for gay men who are often forced to make compromises due to their sexual orientation. Couples may be faced with homophobic parents or family members that place undue burdens upon them. Singles often feel like an “outcast” for showing up to family gatherings alone when their siblings may be married with children. Oftentimes a significant other may not be welcome to attend even when siblings are allowed to bring their dates. Further, if you’re not out to your family, you may be forced to dance around uncomfortable questions or merely keep silent about various aspects of your life. There are no easy answers and only you can decide when to come out or confront your family about these issues; however, the holidays may not be the best time to do so. These internal and external conflicts cause a lot of stress and can lead to isolation and depression.

Fortunately there are some things you can do:

Stay connected – Keep in close contact with your friends and partner even if they are not physically with you.  Debrief with them and try to laugh and find humor in the situation. Laughter relieves tension. 

Set realistic expectations – Prepare yourself for any family tensions that might arise. How can you remain detached and keep your spirits high? Remember- you can’t change anyone.

Be kind to yourself – Acknowledge and accept your feelings. Do things that bring you pleasure – listen to music or go for a walk. Do whatever makes you feel good.

Volunteer to help those in need – You may decide to opt out of a family gathering and do something to help others. You can avoid potential family conflicts and feel good about helping others too.

Seek support – If you find that you are depressed or your situation is too hard to manage on your own, seek professional help. Find out if your company has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) where you can discuss your situation with a Counselor. You can also call your insurance company and ask to be connected to Behavioral Health to request therapy referrals. Your local GLBT Community Center is another good resource for support. You can also find supportive resources at: http://www.lifesolutionsforgaymen.com/category/resources

 

Negativity can always find a way to creep up in your life from time to time. However, when negativity builds up too much or shows up too often, you now have an obstacle to overcome.

A negative attitude holds you back from truly living your life. But you don’t need to feel stuck because you can always bring positive thoughts back into your life!

How Negativity Holds You Back

Negativity can hold you back in a number of ways. Have you heard the saying: “If you think you can’t, you’re right”? It’s true! Negative thoughts really do sabotage your efforts.

The good news is that you can gain control over how you think. When you’re expressing complaints and negativity all the time, it not only affects you, but it also affects the people around you. Negativity, itself, can be the reason why you create roadblocks that don’t really exist! So it’s time to choose the positive (and, yes, it is a choice!).

Manifesting A Positive Attitude

When you adopt a positive attitude, you open yourself up to the wonderful world of possibilities. When positive energy is in the air, you’ll be able to transform your negative feelings and maybe even bring others out of their negativity.

Believe it or not, positive thinking is very powerful. It’s the driving force that steers your life into the direction of your dreams. Remember, your thoughts affect how you feel, and how you feel affects what you do, so if you can change your thoughts, you can change your outcomes.

How To Develop A Positive Attitude

How can you change your attitude? It’s easier than you think.

Follow these tips to develop a positive attitude:

1. Visualize. When the negative thoughts come crawling into your mind, transform them with positive images. Visualize something that you find pleasing, peaceful, or exciting. Remember what your ultimate goals are and imagine what it feels like to achieve them.

2. Write it down. Keeping a journal has many positive effects. It helps you vent your frustrations, organize your life, and reflect on your innermost thoughts and feelings. Instead of focusing on the bad, use your journal to chronicle the things that have gone well in your life lately.

3. Relax. Negative feelings are bound to arise when you’re in a stressful state. It’s important to take time out of each day for yourself. This means that you need to adopt a relaxation routine. Find a method that works best for you. Perhaps you can soak in a bath or hot tub, meditate, or attend a yoga class. Being in a state of relaxation fosters a more peaceful and positive mindset.

4. Read and write affirmations. Grab a book with positive affirmations, or better yet, write your own. Affirmations are a powerful way to bring positive thoughts into your present state of well-being. Affirmations are short statements in the present tense that remind you of positive attributes and goals in your life. For example: “I am strong and competent.”

5. Live in the moment. Live your life for the moment and let go of distractions. Negative feelings can easily overwhelm you if you’re consumed by past failures or the fear of the future. When you focus on the present, your life becomes more peaceful and positive.

In the end, go easy on yourself. Stop being your own worst critic, and try being your best friend! Focus on your personal well-being and you will develop a more positive attitude.

“Laughter is the best medicine” is a phrase that dates back to biblical times as an old Proverb and it’s still widely used today all over the world. That’s because it’s true!

Let’s take a look at what happens inside your body, mind and spirit when you laugh.

Laughter’s Effect on Your Body

Endorphins are released throughout your body, stimulating muscles, nerves, organs and tissues when you laugh. Studies show these endorphins give relief to chronic pain, help to relieve stress and promote functioning of the immune system. Laughter literally helps heal your body.

Laughter and Your Mind

Happy thoughts lead to a more positive outlook on life. When you’re hanging out with friends and having good conversation that produces smiles and laughter, your mind’s producing happy thoughts.

On the other hand, if you’re always around people who never smile and always find something to complain about, you’ll lean toward a more negative outlook on life.

Strengthening Your Inner Being

Laughing causes your inner being to be emotionally and physically strengthened. When you laugh or even smile, your inner being is stimulated in an affirmative way, producing a more positive outlook on life. This helps your body produce more self-healing endorphins, which actually helps your body remain healthy and running optimally!

Boosting Your Spirits

Laughter causes a lift in your spirits, helping you feel uplifted. Laughter not only helps you personally, it’s also very contagious and infectious, which helps those around you feel less stress and anxious.

Don’t you just love it when you hear a baby or toddler laugh? What happens to you? You can’t help but laugh too! Laughter begins to develop in humans as early as 3 months of age and a baby’s laughter is one of the most contagious of all human sounds.

Laughter and Your Relationships

When two people share a funny story or a silly situation arises between two people, there’s a unique bonding that is created. Something special is formed between the two that only they can relate with. It’s an inside joke that is special to those who’ve shared in the moment.

When two people spend a lot of time together in laughter, a stronger, more ever-lasting relationship develops.

Studies show couples that laugh together stay together much longer, if not for life. Think about a truly happy couple you know. Sure, everyone has their issues and relationships takes work, but chances are they spend a lot of time laughing together. This doesn’t happen by accident either. It can be created and fostered!

When you choose to embrace laughter, you’ll be able to get through many more rough spots in life and come out a happier and healthier person.

Life can be tough, so why not choose to make it more joyous? You can if you choose to.

Always try to find joy in every situation and laugh as often as possible each and every day. Also, by spending more time around positive people, who love life and love to laugh, you’ll be amazed at how you begin to feel on the inside and out!

If you find that you spend too much of your time working, your life will soon be much less satisfying than it once was. It’s easy to get caught up in your work. Sometimes you don’t even realize it until it seems too late, but it’s never too late to break out of the bad habit!

The Underlying Problem

Oftentimes you get swept up with becoming a workaholic because of an underlying problem. It’s true that sometimes you’re just getting too much pressure at work to get things done on time, but more often than not, you’ll find that you’re using your work to hide from other problems.

 Ask yourself these questions:

• Are you working too much because of financial strain?
• Are you trying to avoid your home life?
• Are you using work to avoid some other issue you’re facing?

If you’re overworking yourself because of financial reasons, you can only do it for so long. Sooner or later your mental and physical health will begin to suffer. You need to work hard with an end date in mind. If this doesn’t work for you, perhaps it’s time to find a better paying job.

If you’re avoiding problems at home, you absolutely must concentrate on solving these problems. They aren’t going to go away just because you’ve been escaping the situation. The only way things will improve is if you take action to resolve what’s plaguing you.

Balance Out Your Life

Once you’ve solved any underlying problems, you’ll want to bring balance back to your life. In order to wean yourself from your work, there are certain tips you can utilize to change your working habits.

Try some of these techniques: 

1. Make time for yourself. Realize that you and your health are ultimately more important than your work. Schedule time for yourself and treat that time as more important than any of your other deadlines.
2. Unwind at the end of the day. Decide on a firm bedtime and unwind before going to bed. Decide when you’re going to sleep and, approximately 30 minutes beforehand, engage in a relaxing activity that has nothing to do with your work.
3. Exercise. Incorporate a moderate exercise routine into your schedule a few times each week. Exercise will help you relax and release some of your stress from work. It’s great for both your physical and mental health and is one more good way to wean yourself from overworking.
4. Take days off. You need days off from your work from time to time. It’s just a fact. If you have a traditional job where you have weekends free, you must spend them away from work. On your days off, avoid even thinking or talking about work. Let your mind be free!

Start Slow

Remember that these changes don’t have to happen all at once, but you can start incorporating them into your life one at a time. Your life simply can’t be all about work. Remember to spend time doing activities that you enjoy besides work.

Take some time today to implement just one or two of these strategies and you’ll soon realize that there is life outside of work!

Confucius once said, “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

If we make life complicated and fill it up with a bunch of “stuff,” how can we ever focus on what matters most?

Many of us are running around trying to squeeze everything we can out of life when, in fact, we’d be a whole lot happier and healthier if we savored the beauty of simplicity!

Here are some tips you can use today to simplify your life:

1. Clutter – When you eliminate the clutter around you, you’ll gain a deeper appreciation for the things that are dearest to you.

• Ask yourself: When was the last time I read the stack of books piled up on the floor? When did I last notice the details on one of those little trinkets I got while on vacation? When did I last wear the scarf lying on the closet floor? Give this stuff to someone who needs it!
• De-cluttering will give you an opportunity to enjoy the things that truly matter to you. Plus you’ll feel a sense of relief with an organized working and living space.

2.  Food - Food is another aspect of your life that can be simplified in many ways. Instead of worrying about the next bite, enjoy the taste of the food that’s already in your mouth. Savor it. Let it all sink in and try to taste each flavor.

• Also, consider the ingredients in your food. Take the time to use quality ingredients instead of processed or chemically enhanced foods. The end result will taste better, and your body and mind will thank you for the nourishment!

3.  Gadgets - Think of all the gizmos and gadgets in your life. Do you use them all? Do you even use half of them?

• The more stuff we have to “connect” us, the more we become disconnected! Take the headphones out of your ears, turn off the car radio, and put down your cell phone. Instead of trying to be always connected, communicate with those around you. Nothing is more satisfying than a rewarding conversation or spending time with friends and family!

4.  Thinking - A cluttered mind steers you away from what’s most important. The reality is that simple ideas are almost always better. By simplifying your thinking, you open your mind to new possibilities.

• A simplified mind doesn’t mean you aren’t thinking, it just means that you’re choosing to focus on one thing with greater clarity.
• When your attention is split in several directions, it’s awfully hard to make rational decisions. And if you’re dwelling in the past or worrying about the future, how can you live in the moment? Release distractions from your mind and you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also regain a sense of peace within you.

5.  Schedule - If you’re trying to jam a week into a single day, you’ll feel a tension that will tug you away from where you’re meant to be. Instead of wondering what’s next, savor the here and now.

• Eliminate some of the clutter in your hectic schedule and do what’s best for you and those closest to you, not everyone else.

Living life simply is extremely rewarding. When you do so, you eliminate many of the useless cares and are able to focus on what’s really important to you. Give it a try!

Finding balance in your life can be tough to do, especially during these stressful times. There’s family and work obligations and unexpected situations. It’s no wonder that you’re feeling out of balance!

You can certainly discover things you’re able to do to maintain balance. Listed here are some great starting points to give you a headstart on your way to a well-balanced life.

1. Begin using a central calendar. This calendar might be a shared calendar online using Google Calendar, or it can be a paper calendar attached to the fridge. In either case, write your activities on the calendar and make sure to include things like the time, location and mode of transportation. By doing this nothing gets overlooked and you will be able to plan your schedule accordingly.

2. Review your daily routine. Do you have activities you can eliminate to help make your life more balanced?

Within this society of rush-rush, convenience, and got-to-have-it-all or do-it-all, you could very well be feeling bogged down by many of the extracurricular activities you’re taking part in. As you analyze each activity, ask yourself:

• Is this activity necessary for my well being?
• Can I live without being involved in this activity?
• Is this improving my life or is this overwhelming me?
• Is this helping others or is it simply for self-gratification?
• Is this going to allow me to accomplish my career, family, and personal goals?

The answers to these questions will guide you to clear your schedule and help you to appreciate the things that are really essential to you.

3. Establish a daily routine. Routines allow us to stay on task and get things done without delay. Without a daily routine, you are likely to wander aimlessly, instead of participating in tasks that take you down the right path toward your goals.

If you work from home, it’s easy to wander away from your daily routine since you can set your own hours, so it’s extremely important to build a routine and work faithfully at sticking to it. Whether you work out of the home or from an office away from home, a daily schedule is vital. Using an agenda will help you achieve your daily, monthly, and yearly goals.

4. Set goals for yourself, and your career. Without goals, you have nothing to improve and you’ll feel lost without a purpose. Talk about making things feel out of balance! Some worthwhile goals to reach for might be:

• Slimming down
• Establishing your own business
• A new home
• A new car
• Creating a budget and sticking to it
• A pay raise
• A promotion
• Learning a brand new skill or trade
• Writing a book

Those are just a few tips to get you started thinking about the many possibilities available to guide you to achieve more balance in your life.

Balance in life is one area that requires constant attention and strength. Don’t allow the busyness of life to get in the way of living your life to the fullest. You will accomplish it when you work at it. Keep trying and you’ll be amazed at the stability that comes your way.

It seems that everything you’ve ever learned is about preparing yourself for a better future. It’s easy to get so caught up in the future that you lose the ability to enjoy the life you’re living right now.

The Power Of The Present

The first thing you should do to take action toward a better life is to realize the power that the present moment holds. There are different ways you can truly come to this realization, but the most popular and widely accepted method is meditation.

Meditation allows you to clear your mind. It’s refreshing to focus on the present moment when you find the time to sit down and relax without any worries about the past or future.

This personal reflection time will allow you to sort out your inner thoughts. On the flipside, take note of the number of times your mind tries to distract you from the present moment. You’ll be surprised to see just how many times your mind steals the present moment from you, in order to dwell on the past or future.

Enjoying The Journey

Your journey is all you have. Your goals are important, but it’s the path you take toward your goals that yield many fruits. You must be willing to enjoy your life and live consciously, even if you haven’t yet reached your goals.

If you have a lofty goal, such as becoming a doctor or the CEO of a large company, realize that it will take much planning and years of experience. Once you reach your goal, you may feel fulfilled, but your life mustn’t be unhappy and miserable until you get there!

You can remain happy by concentrating on the present and enjoying the journey. As you make positive progress towards your goal, you’ll know that you’re always one step closer.

Envisioning Your Future Self

While you should spend a great deal of time enjoying the present moment, you can add to your happiness by envisioning your future self.

Reflect on the feelings associated with the successful completion of your goals. Think about the traits you’ll exhibit when you have the life you desire. Now bring those traits into your present.

If you’re studying to be a doctor, you’re working long days for little or no pay. You’re studying at all hours with little sleep. You might feel almost tortured. That’s not the desired life you dreamt of having!

This is when you should be proud of the steps you’ve taken so far. After all, what you’re learning now will shape your future, so you might as well approach today with joyful gratitude!

Live The Life You Want Now

Whether you maintain complete focus on your ultimate goals or not, it’s important to live the life you desire right now. You don’t know how many days you’ve been allotted on this earth, and you owe it to yourself to make the most of them!

Keep these tips in mind: 

• Even on busy days, take at least some time for yourself
• Don’t waste your time on people who don’t believe in you and your abilities
• Adopt a “glass is half full” mentality

Most importantly, you need to believe in yourself. Some people are literally afraid of success. They’ll put off action toward their dreams indefinitely because they fear success and fear that they’re incapable.

You mustn’t fall into this negative pattern. Don’t waste your time on dead ends. Instead, take action, learn your lessons, and enjoy the journey!